Dear Journal,

 

entry 1 of 1. Desolation.

 

Sadness keeps haunting me, it doesnt seem to want to go away. The past seems to still stick, and it hurts, why can't it all just go away. All the things I have said and done, why can't it just disappear. I feel so lonely, afraid, alone. I just want but one, can't she hear me calling her name. Feel so lonely. I just feel like a fool who wasted all his time and effort on things that in the end turn around and backfire, bites me back in the friggin ass. Do I care right now? maybe, maybe because I don't want to lose anymore. I'm sick of smoke people carry around me, smile then speak behind me. I'm already tired of all of this, I just want it to stop.

 

I started going back through the history of chat logs, and all the stupid things I said, not that I want to hurt, it's just that there are technical difficulties, I could have done better, but not that I use chat technology much. For the past months I've been isolated from many around me, maybe it's been years, and because my lazy arse won't do anything to find a way to catch up. I've been busy very busy, work 31 hrs/week + study, that makes me a freaking over worked numnut. Let alone the amount of time I have for myself to travel, i.e. 1.5hrs to work 1.5 hrs back + possibly extra for work/uni combined days. I'm so freaking exhausted, but exams are coming, far too soon.

 

My heart feels like it's been minced through a blender, soul been extracted and hung to dry. I just want it all back, just want to talk it through, and find resolution and peace. The torado is still here, still lingering around.

 

If I had 'Jack's compass It'd lead me to my hearts desire, not saying that is a high possibility, I got to still believe in this desolate place, the deepest darkest part of my mind.

 

.:KrAkPoT:.