This post is suddenly written in utter lameness and boredness, and sickness of the stupid worldness, and tomorrowness.

Lets get this all straight in plain english. "I am sick of the lamess of this world". Why? I'm not as perfect as I said I am. Better put. I over inflated my ego. I had something special and didn't cherrish it for what it was worth, and now I'm stuck with myself in rather big mess.

Tonight I went out with a friend Kiemi to the city, a gal I met at the previous anime con. Nothing serious, nothing major, just frends hanging out just to chill and relax, I just wanted to take the night off and ease the mind of all the things happening all at once in my life. No home, no work, and seriously having both Uni and Tafe all running at the same time. I'm a sucker for trouble, but oh well, that's just me. Not living at home means no more guilt about what I choose to do, and when, and further more I'm not being watched like a hawk every second of the day, what I do, who I hang with and so on. I know better than to associate with the troubled kinds.

These last few days has seen me watching another friend go through something resembling what I have done, but on a worser scale. Knowing mine is bad enough, hearing theirs makes me want to throw up. Watching another person go through the pain as what I did is horrible, but I see where I have gone wrong. I didn't communcate all that well, as I recall I did what I thought was okay, but didn't see the consequences.

I wear a chain, something given to me, that i cherrish very very much, it means a lot to me. I had to lose it on purpose for a reason, because it wasn't safe to wear it at the time it was given. This saddens me somewhat about my own life, and my choices in the past, irresponseable, dumb and stupid to say the least. Made promises I couldn't even keep, and worst of all, didn't communicate properly at all. *bash head on desk til bleeding*.

So worn out today, 12 hours to go until I have to get an event up and running, no matter the trauma I'm in. I still have a job to do. I made a promise, and I will keep by it no matter what, even if it kills me in the process.

Have all the vests and equipment now hehe.
So off to work we go

.:KrAkPoT:.

A new year has come, a turn, another fork-stuck in the road, a time to reflect on a year that's been. The year has passed so fast that it goes faster than a click, not even enough time to catch a breather. A lot of things could have been, but they didn't eventuate sometimes due to the infinate excuses that have been given, however that should not account for so much. Maybe I held back a little, maybe I was a little rough around the edges, but no matter what comes of it, in life there are always lessons to be learned from, and there is no such thing as too many mistakes, unless they repeat themselve over and over.

Time for a fresh start I, and for once, I am going to drop something which I have been trying to pursue, maybe set it on back burner status until such a time, that's for me to know and you all to keep guessing, but for once I'm sick and tired of sh*t that comes from it. The thing is that I'd destroy myself and redraw and recolour the past, but I that would be too much, I just want to be happy, not always feeling so crap. If you want to know.. Shannon Nolls' album titled Lift, no.11, 12, 13 would sum it.

My back feels like crap again, it's in constant pain, and I'm getting peeved off about it, but no matter what doc I see, they say nothing's wrong, cos of this I'm pissed, so I'm now addicted to Panadol. Alcohol seems to sooth the pain also, but according to my screwed sense of being me, I think I break that rule of not drinking, and say drinking in moderation. *evil laughter* I must say being drunk sound so good, I can cast away all my problems... and my back pain. Had a small pub-crawl with a couple of mates, however since I was the driver I couldn't drink the night away.

In theory, 2006 was okay, maybe in my account as good as it could have been, but with my expectations far outweighing reality, 2006 was still crap. So back to where I started, alone, life is shit, what could be better. However, on hearing enlightening news, things shall turn around, slowly. I wish life would turn around a little faster, but this is apparantly not how reality dictates.

The end of 2006 saw the begining of something important for myself, 2 workers left at my parents factory the hours and what has to be done is getting shitter and shitter. Parents need workers, I need another job, end of story. I'm not only trying to maintain a website, I'm driving out and about for hours on end, graphics design, and so on and so forth, and having to stay up to the wee hours of the morning. This just so hell sucks bad, but life in general sucks really bad don't it.

another important thing, I am currently recruiting Traffic Volunteers for the following event, my minimum requirement is about 20 able bodies.

Melville Chinese New Year Concert 2007
venue: Winthrop Baptist College
location: Murdoch, Western Australia
time: 4-11pm (availability during those times) most crucial (5-7) and (10-11)
equipment: all equipment for the job will be provided at no cost, this includes a yellow safety vest as well as radios and torches (if you have been assigned to a post which requires those equipment.
task: jobs allocated could range from directing the flow of traffic, to onsite security, and all work is done in teams of two (for personal safety)

A quick response by the lastest 21st January, would be much appreciated.

Last but not least

Happy 2007 New Year (Yes 7 days late, but better late than never)

Lord of Darkness
Signing off

Hello once again to this space of mine, now lets see, where was I upto? oh that's right, an update to fill the massess in on the daily routines the randomness of me. 2 and a half weeks of not posting, well sad to say, busy and too exhausted with a rather hectic schedule.

Life is on the upswing, well not 100% but enough to keep me from feeling like drowning nightmares with bottles of alcohol, (okay I've had one bottle of the stuff, and I'm thinking I writing like dorkusly). I'm sure this girl I know, well she is in not so good mood to want to see me in person, all I can say is I am bewildered by the unpredictability of the predictable. Oh well she's busy I'm busy, but I would cast time on the floor and take her out and have a bit of fun, if she's game enough to take on a little challenge. I try to be nice, but I guess I pushed the envelope a little more than I expected (well what more could I do with a million and one 'apparent' walls in front). Guess I hold out and wait and see, I'd start all over if I had to, I hope that it isn't all that necessary. I'm a such a sucker for drama.

On a lighter note, had some entertaining fun the last few weeks, been watching a series called Death Note (well will downloading and reading the manga). If you haven't seen the series, I won't spoil it for you, as there is a movie as well as some 11 subbed episodes out, and if you are planning to download get the ones from [live-evil]. I had an entertaining time of cosplaying the main character, and killing people in the process (all in the name of fun, and no real life kills), it was all good. I wish I had a girl who loves me for me, and it doesn't matter what I did, will stick by me no matter what.

I tried to draw again, and it feels like my pen to paper skills are very very wierd and dodgy. I can draw, if I try hard enough and with a lot more practice. I can get there, since if others can, so can I.

Life is one hell of a mess, the past is the past, who can pass judgement on someone when the future hasn't been made yet. The course of destiny is meant to be.

I'm off again for another week or so, and Christmas once again, but there is one thing, what is life without mistakes?
and oh boy the weather has caused me to turn to solidus pulp . I have two further things to say...
"The light it burns, it burns"... and... "noooo... I'm melting, melting, mellllting"
Last but not least, I'm going to have my wisdom teeth extracted soon, going to get rid of what doesn't fit my jawline, once and for all.

.:KrAkPoT:.

A long update, maybe short, but it's been quite a while since I have had an opportunity to actually time to even to log here...

OK well now I think I made a mistake, maybe, well err.. I tried something and didn't have it go as expected, oh well, I guess life goes on. Details, well can't divulge really, something really really silly, but still none the less it was worth a bloody shot. Say if I did it again, I'd shoot myself in the foot, so no. Once is enough.

A week long of birthdays has gone without a hitch, not saying that there is one I would like to celebrate, in an ideal world, but for now I guess things are the way they are. Clinton, Nixon, J.F.K, made mistakes and they ruled nations, not that I can get away from the fact I did, but yes, mistakes are inevitable, so long as I know where they are, and plug up what I thought I was impervious to that's not a problem. I can't say now what I have done, people already know what I did, and what news travelled, and how far, I'm curious.

I do believe I have someone attempting to stalk me and try charge me for rape. I'm upset and hurt by some turn of events. A phone call out of the blue, sounded like someone I used to know, I can only speculate, and without any further evidences and a 'withheld number', that leave me with little trace. So here I'll say it, once loud and clear. "I have never dated a 15 yr old, had any indecent dealings with one, and been in any relationships in the past year". Now that's off my chest.

Never mind, if you don't get the above paragraph, you need not worry about it,  even I don't care too much about that, I just hope it was a bloody prank call. Life is such, with random people calling abusing others. Yet if this is a declaration for greater happenings, then I'm ready enough to take on the challenge, and if it this person is the one that is meddling with my past, I'd be rather upset, but will carry on no matter what.

Sometimes I just wonder if this fight is worth fighting, is this where I need to learn a new technique or skill to overcome this situation, or sit out and watch it pass over. Sometimes I could write down the past into a book and erase it away, or write a name down in a book and make certain peoples not exist, like 'Light' in 'Death Note', but I that borders too close to fantasy that it probably doesn't exist.

Can I give up my hopes and dreams, no. Can you give up your own hopes and dreams, probably not. We would be like machines if we did not have any, even still dead (from society, from self, or really dead dead).

I guess it ends here for now...

...HAPPY BIRTHDAY...

.:KrAkPoT:.

G'day, welcome once again to my interweb space.
I know you probably hear me rant on and on about certain things, this week is a little different. See there are a few things in life that are none the less stupid and bordering the insane. I'm talking about life in general, but here today it is about 'what if I add mixed signals, some assumptions, and factor in some reality'.

Why I bring this up? because it happens to everyone all the time, and why we all don't talk about it, maybe because we are just too unwilling to accept the fact that sometimes things happen. Each section has its own definitions, mixed signals for example would be that of the communication channels whereby information/s are relayed to us from friends and family, not necessarily close to the source. These informations my have laced personal intentions from the source, and is in most case biased for their personal protection. The second is that of assumptions, these assumptions are ones made by self, it could be made based on a number of factors depending on both situational factors as well as idealism. Lastly reality, this is the 'real' world where the imaginary should not necessarily exist, however in this case perspective counts a great deal as the real world is far from simple. Think of the world like a mathematics, there are three planes of existance, the rational (things that make sense), the irrational (things which sort of makes sense and yet don't quite fit) and the imaginary (where things are looked far too deep than intended).

If the above three mix, where the information given to us is tainted, we look at look at things from the wrong angle, then yes we there is bound to be trouble, adding reality to the equations would be absolutely disastrous.

Here is a list of comics, which are published online that relate to differing groups.

For you teens, and guys especially, then Zits is the comic for you, and for those who are much older than the teen phase, then Dilbert is highly recommended.

.:KrAkPoT:.

---

A shadowy figure stands in the distance blade sheathed, coat torn and riddled with holes. The light from behind casts an ominous shadow, and the blood glowing in eerie sunlight.

Well, today was a beautiful spring day, light clouds, some cool breeze, and an a new airshow to hit the 'Perth' scene. As some of you may know, the 'RedBull air race' has landed in Perth with a phenomenal bang. I got up this morning, tired from quite a late sleep, been questing on a site I go on from time to time, but more frequently as the holidays set in, had a slice of another cake I made (another strawberry marble cheese cake), woke my brother and my cousin up at 7am and readied them for this event.
The cheese cake is of the same recipe as the last post, but in my attempts to make a harder cake base, I think I over baked the base, as well as that, didn't spread the reduced purée strawberries. According to my dad, it tastes pretty good, and last night, my aunty (a cheese addict), came over and took a slice before it had fully set in the fridge (1 hr, not overnight as recommended), she said it was delicious too, so all is good. Anyway, back to the air-race, I was a little unprepared for the event, I didn't bring a tent, no shade nor no sunblock =X and now I have a minor sunburn on my arms. The air-race was very exciting, I got to St James Mitchell Park, at around 8:30am with my brother and cousin and camped in an area near the big screen to watch the event. To our surprise, because I had not brought the guide for the race with me, the actual event starts at midday (WST).

The crowd built up over the course of the morning, and from approximate figures, 300 thousand people took their time to go and watch the even. This race is more than just a 2D F1 race, it's 3D with loops and acrobatic loops, and heavy G-Forces. We stayed, and I took quite a few pics, and those will be posted as soon as I can shrink them.

Overall a good day, just need some time to cool down, and get rid of what I believe is currently a sunburn.

Was wanting to head to the beach sometime this summer, when summer still is in, but since I think I burnt myself, I may have to hold out for a week or so to recover, but it shouldn't be too long, yet I have no-one to go with since my cousins are going back, and my parent's aren't the beach loving type, and nor is my brother who prefers the safety of the man-made structures (shelters). Still considering the possible options.

I'll have the photo's up soon, there were fantastic stunts and formations from the pre-race event as well as from the flying. I also took a video, but there isn't any sound because my camera is a little old fashioned.

signing out
.:KrAkPoT:.

Oh boy, the project was a close shave, forgot to bring some pens, paper, scissors to tie the assignment up for handing. In any case, it's in now, and it's time to finally get exam preparations underway. Time seems to be accelerating at an alarming pace, a week and a half to the exam, and no I'm not ready. Even my mind is not on hyper drive yet. No matter, one week to go, just one week, then its holidays once again.

Evening meals have become part of the daily routine, though not living away from home. A daily dose of rice, some vegetables, and a portion of meat (depending on what is available), seems reasonable for a family sized meal. The past 5 weeks, more or less, has seen a surge of tomatoes entering the home kitchen, so thus tomato 'this', tomato 'that' has been part of the daily meals. I do imagine though Tomatoes are good for complexion and good for prostate cancer prevention in men. Yet the 4/5 times a week Tomato Rice mix has been making me start to resent tomatoes, yet it's a pretty healthy fruit. The past two weeks due to this problem, experiments were done, and a combination of tomatoes with both, sweet corn, or dried Chinese shitake mushrooms, has spiced up the evening rice meals, and it's pretty healthy *sorry no pictures, they were eaten so quick that I didn't have a chance to capture the moment*. I should try write down my recipes but cooking is all the feel, and the heart. "If you are happy cooking what you are cooking, then surely people would be happy just by eating what you cooked."


I have not had time to make my strawberry cheesecake as yet, the past weekend has seen a programming assignment and report nearly slaughter me to death even until the last minute. Never fear, this Sunday, I shall experiment, and with a little luck, pull it off like 'a piece of cake' *sorry for the overused saying*. Yet if I could bake this cake I would very well wish to bake it again for a special occasion of sorts.

First side note. Had downloaded and listen to some Nightwish (Ghost Love Score, End of All Hope, Dead Boy's Poem). Their songs cut deep to the heart of the lonely kind, who's heart longs of a lost one. Recommend to listen only if you have a heart strong enough or need to let and pain out for a few minutes (or hours depending on how long you re-run the songs).

Another note, have been keeping up with Bleach! the latest being 102 *subbed*, and the ending songs as of late has been rather feeling reflecting of the heart, I so cry when I listen to it, but no I try play the song out on the guitar, which I have had to re-string after having multiple strings breaking on me. Ah well back to studying, shan't be a lazy bugger. (oh wait, spent too long here typing away again)

out and about
.:KrAkPoT:.

Another week passes, like the hot wind over a large desert, it's another painful reminder what sometimes how slow a week can be.  The weather hasn't been all that kind either, a little on the warm side, maybe a little roller coasterish. It's a week none the less, and I can't begin to describe whether I am happy or sad or disappointed at my lack of lusture. Time for me to polish up with a scrubbing brush.

Two awfully long weeks, with endless thoughts filling the mind with codes and logic sequences of which I don't feel like remembering. Spending sleepless night slaving away in front of this LCD screen coding away. I guess this is how most people feel, when it works you just want to cry and break down and scream and shout because it seems like it's not going anywhere, yet at the same time if it works, then there would be cries of jubilation and praising one self and kissing the program. The drama sometimes kills me. There's still 4 days until this assignment gets handed in, and the report feels half baked. Well it should be done and roasted just before it gets handed in, and binded, and at the rate the report is going it is going to look like a book, a real thick novel (currently 56 pages and counting).

Should be happy, yet can't help to bring my mind back to thinking of the one person I miss the most in this whole wide world, maybe she's reading this, but who knows at the moment. I just miss her so, and my heart just aches just thinking.

Thinking I should make a strawberry cheesecake, enjoying making food, and happy cooking, so got to keep into the fortnightly routine of Baking something interesting.

Signing out for another week
.:KrAkPoT:.

Today ladies and gentlemen, we are here to discuss the substance monooxy-dihydrogen.
My research has concluded that this substance is highly addictive, much like other chemical compounds in other drugs like methyl-amphetamines, coke, etc. Research also shows that it is found everywhere and we have no idea how to prevent such strong addictions.
Fellow friends, and countrymen, I fear if you are addicted to this it can lead to cancers and death. For all purposes, we are to find chemcials other than monooxy-dihyroxy.

---Okay okay, I might be pulling your leg, if you didn't already work this out, it's H2O i.e. water.

Please remember to drink this substance, altough it might be what cancers are made of, it's daily sustinance. As the weather gets hotter and muggier, drink it up as it's not cool to have heat stroke and end up in hospital.

Days could be more pleasent, the stench of this weather is driving my mental capcity to overdrive. I smell rain around the corner, and my bones ache like I have some form of artherits but it doesn't really matter, got to live through another day, another week. Mentally so dead,

One week closer to exams, and drats, the second of the two 50% assessments is on Thursday. So back to the room with a reading lamp.

.:KrAkPoT:.

---

What would happen if the world grinds to a halt?
Where would we be if if there is no hope left here?
Is there any reason to help others?
Yet still stand knowing that some may not be so kind in return
Love is the greatest gift, and lest not to waste
A scar is nothing more than reminder of a lesson,
Only if one ones to remember the hardships of sometimes foolish acomplishments.
Fear, we live with it, there is no escape.
Run while you can, but it remains by your side
Fight knowing what  you are fighting for
Patience... Patience...

ello... erm.. welcome back, it seems short and irregular that I post here now and then and now here I vent my uber frustration.

whythehelldoIhavetousefugacitytocalculate. can'titbeanylesscomplicatedthanitalreadyis?

*rant over*

More like I apparantly haven't placed enough code into the program, as the figures seem slightly out, like 0.1 or 0.2, can you believe it, it's not exact. Engineers are never exact anyways, well everything if it seems reasonable, it should work, unless it nuclear materials we are dealing with. So more coding for me, and it's not due until a the monday a week before the exams @_@ aiyah. bad bad bad... I think I be finished soon, one a few more lines are added in and tested... seriously feeling dead already...

So NOT happy with viruses consistantly infecting my cousin's computer, seems like I spend more time fixing the damn thing than actually having it online an active >_< Yet now it's been infected with an interesting virus, of I don't know what... so back to using norton and scanning it until I find something.

And off to bed I go again for another night...

.:KrAkPoT:.

I have a dream... it was kind of nightmarish... it's shortened for a quick skim rather than a storybook.

I abandoned my laptop in the hotel room while the whole of the city you live in, around you, crumbling down around you in and people running and screaming. Balls of fire reign down around you and as I ran along with a few people. There were only a few survivers, that includes the group I escaped with. Then I woke up panting, and sweating... why I post this dream, I don't want to see things come down in a reign of destruction.

Other lifely events, I realised I had a few typo's in my program, that's why I keep getting a number/0 error. That's probably why I felt pretty shitty this weekend wondering why my program wasn't functioning. How simple can a mistake be? oh well managed to weed out the error.

If anyone is into rock... SR-71 is not bad, they have some insightful thoughtful lyrics, to drown one's sorrows. Empty Spaces, Tomorrow, Right Now. Go find an album, or someone who has the song and have a listen.
So before I go, here is

Empty Spaces

I'm not afraid to go backwards and fix what we broke. 
My gaze falls behind, you make desire seem so easy. 
I hold off sleep, it's so silent without you here. 
Don't give up now, it would all be for nothing... 

[bridge] 
'Cause I believe in second chances, 
I believe the years forget. 

[chorus] 
So, let me fill these empty spaces, 
Better late than never, stay forever. 
Let me fill this empty space, 
'Cause there's always room for one more mistake. 

Can you feel that? 
I think we're moving in the right direction. 
I was someone else then, 
I'd take it back if you would let me... 

[bridge] 

[chorus] 

We were never this close when we were young... 
Every night I whisper your name at the top of my lungs... 
Yeah-hah-ahhhh... 

[instrumental] 

I'm not afraid. 
I'm not afraid. 
Let me fill these empty spaces. 
Better late than never, stay forever. 
Let me fill this empty space, 
'Cause there's always room for one more mistake... 
There's always room (Better late than never) 
for one more (Stay forever) 
Yeah-ea-ea-ah-hah... 
'Cause there's always room for one more mistake. 
Always room for one more mistake. 
Always room for one more mistake. 

I'm not afraid. 

.:KrAkPoT:.

---

Fear is a powerful driving force. You can't get rid of all, for if you do you aren't human.

I'm pretty peeved at the moment, I missed someones call and I can't call them back because it's a 'PRIVATE NUMBER'. Gah! not a very happy chap. I don't quite understand why so many ppl are using private numbers, it's driving me up the wall, but I guess it's their business and it's not mine, but on personal note, I have 3 fones, with all of which I don't carry all of the time else I will look weird.

On the lighter side of things, it's going to be my mom's b'day tomorrow, *age undisclosed for personal reasons* and I am not sure what is really going to be happening, apart from going back and forth to uni.

As of late I been having some sort of headache, it comes on and off, I don't quite pinpoint what the problem is but it seems like I should go outdoors a little more. My eyesight and glasses seem a little blurrier than usual so it may infact be because of that too. Gah!

Programming is a pain, just as much the lack of practice I have had over the years, and it's driving me up the wall when small little niggly routines don't seem to want to work properly, it's dampening my already eventful week.

I guess lack of words this week, don't know, it seems like my dictionary ran out of words for me to use, Shall attempt to have a less eventful one next week, oh well...

.:KrAkPoT:.

---

A Wilson moment::
Sometimes when life throws you a curve ball -:-
                  drop your bat, catch it and throw it back and ask kindly "Throw it in a straight line"

I guess I couldn't have typed a shorter title, maybe if I left it blank maybe it would be significant. Thou I doubt that that would be the case.

My computer is giving me trouble once again, it seems like it's been possessed by some sort of spirit or I been mucking around too much with it's settings that it just wants to kick me back for doing that. Either way, having minor networking issues, and it's been kicking me off the net on such a consistant basis, I don't know what to do anymore. I try dismantling it, giving it some verbal encouragement and it still doesn't get much worse than this. I know it's a pain, but I don't know, the LAN port died this evening until I pressed a few buttons. Lastly it's a little clunky to start, yet it should be much more powerful than that, if I imagine about 5 grand of parts + cost of upgrades over time. I just don't get it, it should 'eat little PC's' for breakfast, but it comes nowhere close, it crawls much like a snail, the noise much like a jet engine on take-off, and the heat well... hottter than 50ºC on such a consistant basis, it's almost unbearable. Yet I need this tonne of materials to be my net server. (oh I might add that this system is rather heavy. I'm struggling to lift it without breaking a sweat). I don't have money to upgrade this thing, I have other things I would much rather spend my money on.

The question is whether this computer is a representation of myself. I probably should sit down and think about it. 'Cos sitting and collecting dust, much like my mind in the desert. The loneliness is killing me right now, so is the sadness.

Been trying to cheer myself up, maybe give myself a few treats, but it's the satisfaction is only temporary. If only I had someone to share the day with, the moments, the ups and downs, knowing they be there. A relationship is partnership for life, for each provides the equal reinforcement, encouragement for each other no matter the good the bad. Right now I without the support, I am probably as unprepared to tread the next phase tides, and feel like tieying my raft to the shore (I need to modify my craft). Yet I have to build myself, piece by piece, to know what defines me as a person.

To be nice to everyone, that just me, don't take offence in that, I just want to know that people care, yet some people just run away when trouble ensues. If it's a personal, say it to my face, and not tell it to others. I know I spread rumours before, which, what and when, is personal business. As a result of these actions, this is my bluntness policy, if you are hurting me, I will tell you to your face, and would expect likewise. Although my expectations are high, I'm only human. Don't be afraid to say things blunt, I won't bite, and if I do, then tell me off for that.

Back to other notes:
Programming is being a pain!! I don't know what's wrong, but it seems like evertime I want something to calculate, or store, it crashes. Maybe it's my deteriorated programming skill. cos it's not been used for quite sometime. Time to get back to that, and see what I can conjour up.

.:KrAkPoT:.

---

Life is like a whodunnit mystery, somethings lead nowhere whereas other lead to the source of the proble

I guess this is it really, I study and it all comes down to the final moments.

The battlefield takes shape, slowly, the weapons of war prepared sharpened by the resolve of the tactician. The guide book of the terrain, studied, every flash point carefully prepared for, more need not be done. It's only an overview, in relation to the scheme of things, the rule book which surrounds this fight. 2 hours to go, just two hours

Been up since 7am, and I mean I never been up this early in a long time (unless of course you count an all nighter as one) and for a whole week taking myself away from the distractions of my own university to find another to sit down and study. The constant staring out into space, moments of emotion flooding, but I can't have such disappointment right now. I just can't, and will my heart and mind back to the books. "I must stay focused on the task at hand" I tell myself. Sometimes it is just too much and I stare back into space again. 5 minutes pass, 10 minutes, the time draws longer as my mind drifts off into the realm of endless thoughts. I pull myself out again to know time just passed almost like an instant, and there's not much more time left.

I might be getting a new car soon, maybe with a little luck a car that symbolises me, what I feel, what I want to do in life. "Take Life By the Horns" those who know, well it's the Dodge. It's an oddity here, so rare is this car that I haven't seen one around the city until I heard from my parents with a brochure. Just yesterday I had a test drive, of the middle of the range model, the car is amazing, the amount of power for a car like that is phenomenal. The take off, and acceleration so smooth, it's like you are almost been lightly tugged along in the car, no jerkyness. Sound system also so good I don't think I need to modify it in anyways, the bass and treble crystal clear even with it's been turned up, and I think they are Boston Acoustics. The car has an internal cooling department for drinks or anything that you want to keep cool, and as well as that a rechargable LED torch. I might be rather optimistic, but I think my excel currently needs an upgrade, it's 8yrs old but it has done me very well over the last few years. Hopefully everything works out, one can only hope, since there are 500 Dodges that is released to Australia.

Back to the task at hand, test preparation, with 2 hours left, I think taking my mind off a bit will not be all that bad, am sitting in the library, "laptop in hand", typing this entry. Time for me to sign off, go have something to eat, something not so greasy, a sandwich maybe, something that won't put my mind to sleep moments before or during my exam, there's just too much at stake forthat to happen.

.:KrAkPoT:.

Sometimes I feel so alone, so afraid that everything around me will collapse right before my eyes, even if I try to save it from crumbling into the dust, it just crashes to the ground. I don't know anymore, I may never know, my past is full of holes, I want to change all of it, go back there and patch up the holes, or just create a new me that doesn't have problems, doesn't have flaws. I sit and wonder if it would change anything.

I swore that I was going to be single for another 2 years, or at least until I graduate, and I got that to keep, and no matter how lonely I get just being single, I still will soldier on. Well 2 promises really, and they conflict each other so well that I'm in a dilema, yet I can't break both. I accept that I have problems, no two ways about that. If I keep breaking promises, I ain't going to go nowhere in this lifetime. I made two big ones... and that's the end of that. I will still bide my time, and pick up whatever visible fragments remain, the rest well is too fragmented to even start. My heart *is* for one and one only, I state it clearly here, and I ain't going to place my heart on a platter to another for anyone else, apart from 我第一爱的女人 again, cos I am not going to go through all the crap etc. etc. again cos my heart already feels like it's blended. Lastly, I come to think of it I made a third promise too, come to think of it, time, and I am man enough to wait the long haul if it means a lifetime of happiness.

First of all before I do anything: This promise I state to the world, and to the universe and all being that inhabit this place:
"I make a promise to keep the above promises, and swear my blood, sweat and tears. To protect the one I love the most, and I will die trying if this how long this path is going to be."


*my chinese is pretty crap, but I try anyways*
我问了天王或， 我一定会找到你。 我不要大家帮我，可是之个东西是我的事情。我用我的头脑找到我爱的女人，我将是非常愉快的。

All I can do now is wait, there's nothing but me, and time.

I hate it when I am left out in the cold, tired of hearing nothing of anything, I'd hang myself, but it's probably too late by then. Though it's unlikely that I'd want to kill myself. Death is only happens when I lose all faith in everything.

.:KrAkPoT:.

---

A lonely figure stands in the distance, torn clothes flapping in the wind, blood dripping from the puncture wounds from battle. He stares at his blade unsheathed, as the blood trickles down glowing red with the sunlight reflecting. A tear glistenes as it falls down his darkened shadow face, and trickles to the ground. There is but no sound, as he stands there, waiting, waiting for something.

Stop and think for a minute, is religion leading you, are you in control of your destiny?

*all religions are good, all can be bad too, your choice*

------------------------------------------------

In life there are a few things I have learned, maybe through some errors of judgement, my possible bigheadedness, maybe my attitude towards things. One is that 'those who seek power will get it, but utilising it is another matter entirely', the second is 'things which are truely meant to be yours, will return someday', the third 'humans aren't perfect, and attempting to obtain perfection will be always end in disapointment', fourth 'Stories, are often twisted as times wear on, they are often fragmented that only by speaking out, you can see what you didn't see', lastly 'Sh*t happens'.

Why these things are important, because these five things, are things which happen everyday. Everything happens with a motive, like a game of chess, the knight does not move by itself, there is reason to why it was moved to space c6 in the first place. Much like gestures and words taken, the motivation could be because 'I wanted to be a closer friend of yours', that's why I did the things I did, but no, it seems like sometimes my actions deemed 'in my nature' to do so, and it gets abused. So what am I trying to say here, well look, nice guys make mistakes, sometimes being nice an friendly too often backfires, so what the hell, if I wasn't nice then 'that was out of character'. BAH! simple, I don't be nice, spit on everyone's faces who pretend to be nice to me back and walk away. (If I did that everyone would run away, much like trying to be nice...)

I have this one thing about life itself, what is yours will return to you in time. It's true more to the extent that you were, at the time of the incidence, ill aware of life problems, about yourself, or 'Sh*t happens'. No matter what it is, if things are yours, they are yours, if they don't come back, so fine, bah, they aren't meant to be. Time plays its part mostly.

Humans aren't perfect, never will never will be, there's always problems, just because things are the way they are. The perfect human would be the first thing that wouldn't leave a science lab, if this is truely the way scientific ethics are taking things, if the perfect human could be found. Genetically affected by all things we eat drink, the amount of sunlight, the amout of radiation, amount of  etc. the smallest amout of trace elements deemed 'unhealthy' would be the first thing that rule every human being out. Size, well, to say the least, human's comes in all shapes and sizes, being of 'reasonable weight for height' and having exercise is more ideal than being 'thin' and flat like a car battery. Perfect healthy size and shape, bah, if I know... yet go figure, exersise (walk, run, bike, etc.) and you be 100x better.

Power is the ultimate thing to seek, yet it is possible to have all the power in the world.Why you may ask? The true reason is that you have all the power anyways. You ask for all the power, it just opens up for you, and if you can't control it, then unfortunately it is probably disasterous. No matter, if you can't utilise it, so be it, find the mental asylum and you can have all the power in the world. How much power we have, I don't know, but you limit it by your own fears.

The world as we know it is inverting itself, what do you suppose we do, stand here and listen to stories? or go out there to understand why the story came about? or just let the sky collapse before we realise what needs to be done?

This is my rant at the world, it maybe a little harsh, but that's just me when I rant about these things. Maybe because I'm tired of my own excuses for not living up to my task, maybe because I just want you to know, that I'm human and not a robot of society.

It's back to me programming again, trying to get my beloved macro's... loops and loops and lots of cringing when things don't work. In the mean time, looking at some dilema's from the other end of the stick.

Signing off...
.:KrAkPoT:.

THE EAGLES BRING THE PREMIERESHIP CUP BACK TO WESTERN AUSTRALIA.


September is nearly officially ended, this means the start of another month. and one month closer to exams. Well that would all be fun and fantastic, however, I'm dissappointed in my ability. Yes self doubt has caught up once again sadly, but that is not a deterrance. Fear is what I have and I should at least get along with it. Baked a carrot cake again, I still have 2 baskets of slowly rotting carrots, and they both about medium size . It's no wonder I'm getting yellower by the day, it isn't because of jaundice or infection even being painted in betadine (yellow anticeptic). So great, I get a nice dose of beta-cerotine, and it's making me look sick. *bleh* No worries, once the carrots either, rot away, or gets finished, I am going to have to live with the minor side effects.

The break past so fast before I could blink, I spent days on end studying and trying to drown the sounds in my mind. No I'm not schitzo (if that's how it's spelt). Just feeling tired days on end. Monday assignment released, Tuesday a group meeting, Wednesday group meeting, Thursday group meeting, Friday wandering around from Libray to Library to find some books. Seriously I'm so annoyed, why can't people return books to the library, or can't people return things to the right shelves. Spending hours on end looking for a book which the 'catalogue' highlights as being 'available' is no fun. So from UWA Reid library -> Bio Science -> Maths & Physical Sciences -> Bio Science... then trudged off to the State library to find that the store books out the back, and I need to request for information. *sigh* Eventually I found something useful, and started my assignment.

Have a song which could account for something it's a Justin Timberlake one, not like it's really Rap or RnB, it's one titled [Another Song] All Over Again. Listening to the song just makes me just breakdown, it's how I feel deep inside, what I want to say, it packaged in a way I can't describe. The song is a slow song, but it's a beautiful track.

So back to doing work and using up my bandwidth, this Justin Timberlake album, Depeche Mode, Fields of Nephilim, that should be just enough to tick over the bandwidth meter.

A test at the end of this week means back to the study table for me..

.:KrAkPoT:.

Awww man, it didn't end up being a Western Derby Grand Final this time around. I'm not that much of Avid fan of the sport, but Australia's National 'stop the nation' type event. This is much like the Superbowl in America, but on a smaller scale, plus it's a lot rougher. Go EAGLES Go, though they aren't my fav team. Let's say I support the other Western Australia team. The winner... *yet to be decided*.

On other news front. It has been a hell of a week, Burried head under books for a week is pretty exhausting, and with problems which I should know but don't remember, it's driving my frustration through the roof. I want to finish the group assignment this week, but spending 2x 4 hour stints on a problem, i.e. one question, I'm not too happy. So researching took me to read a chart of how a program would work.... so back to square one. Build another piece of hunky junk software that does calculations without doing it all by hand. With the programming skill I have, I'd probably take a week, or two, or three, but I'd rather one, and even less.

Started the report as well, I don't like it when it's done last minute, *kicks self countless times for doing a multitude of tasks last minute*.

Aah, back to cooking, I got assigned cooking duties for when the family come home late, or in other words when I'm home early and they aren't home yet. Though today I really needed an extra pair of hands, and my brother was not too great of help, kept walking away from the task. Oh well, a little extra browning on the edges of the food isn't all that bad, I guess it adds extra flavor. For starters I should

• prepare ingredients earlier
• keep an eye on the food
• lower the fire
• stir the food
• shackel my brother when he's asked to help out
  

With that said, back to my assignment, still not happy I didn't realise that I misinterperated an equation. At least I got that figured out now

.:KrAkPoT:.